Jay Gibson is a true local, born and bred in Lismore. His work as a celebrant for a diverse range of life-changing events in people’s lives gives him a unique connection to our community. Jay met with Sara Browne to talk about birth, death, marriage and real estate.

I was born in Lismore. My grandparents had a house in East Lismore, so I’m an Eastie by trade, I would say. I’m still in the East. My parents bought a house and land package in Casino back in the early 90s so we lived over there a few years and then came back over here about 2005. This is home. I just love what I’m doing now and I wouldn’t do it anywhere else. I’ve been overseas a few times for holidays.

I started at Wyrallah Road school and then finished my schooling at St Mary’s Primary in Casino and St Mary’s High.

I had no clue what I wanted to do while I was at school. I was doing a business subject in years 11 and 12 and as part of that, you had to work in an office. All the offices I applied with were all busy but there was a real estate agency that was the only one left so I just went there. I did a bit of admin, followed the stock and station agents. That was in year 11, then I went back in year 12. The boss offered me a job before I sat my HSC. I started full-time work in November 2006.

I started doing admin and I was also doing a traineeship, a certificate in real estate. Then I moved on to be the boss’s PA so therefore I got to see the sales side, management and stock and station side of the agency. That was the best training I ever had. I absolutely loved it. It was something completely different after having been in school, never had a job before that. I loved the intensity, the variety of work, the people. It was a really busy time in real estate, it was amazing and good fun. I’ve worked full-time since then.

I had an interest in the funeral industry so in 2016, I got a part-time job in a funeral home. It was a real privilege to do that job. I got to see behind the scenes. I reconnected with some celebrants that I knew so I was always fascinated about that.

Around that time, I went to a wedding and I thought that celebrant was not good – boring, didn’t match the couple. I said to a mentor of mine that I didn’t like the celebrant and she said, ‘Well Jay don’t complain, become a celebrant yourself.” So, I did.

I did an online course, a certificate IV in Celebrancy which was pretty intense. The marriage act is not simple. Once you complete the course you have to apply to the Attorney General’s department and I think I needed three referees, plus they give you an exam you have to pass before you get accepted. You get three attempts, I took two.

When I did my course, you can choose to just do the training for weddings but I did funeral celebrancy as well. I think it’s called Directing Life Ceremonies so that can be vow renewal, funerals, pet funerals, naming days, so I did some extra training.

I remember early on when I lost my great grandfather, I must have been eight or nine, I was fascinated with what the funeral director was doing, and the hearse. I always had that curiosity.

The course doesn’t provide training about managing people’s emotions. The course is about how you legally marry someone, some structure of how to. A lot of the learning is on the spot. Each wedding I learn something. Each funeral I learn something. I’ve read a few books as well which deal with grief. I’m no expert. I think the experience I get each day and each month helps me get better with families and the ongoing lessons.

My first ceremony was a funeral for a gentleman who was my age, he was 29 years old. He was a fitness fanatic and he dropped dead of a heart attack. It was a big service, about three or four hundred people. I wasn’t nervous because I didn’t know what I was doing. I got through it. The funeral team said I did a really good job.

The family were really thankful for what I’d done and when their grandmother passed away a couple of months later they called me back to do her funeral as well. I must have done something ok. I learned everything from that experience. I didn’t know how to talk to the families. They obviously trusted me and they loved the fact that I was the same age as this gentleman that had passed away. They didn’t want an older person doing the ceremony, they felt privileged that I was the same age so for them, that was important.

I would say now, after having done this for a while, I’m getting a bit of recognition. Someone might request me. It's usually the funeral homes that offer advice, they ask people what they’re looking for in a celebrant. They might want a male, they might want a female, they might someone who’s young and vibrant. Then the funeral homes can match someone. I’m not for everyone. Not all celebrants suit every family either.

I’m still working in real estate. At the moment I work for LJ Hooker Lismore, I’m their in-house auctioneer and I do all their social media and a few other bits and pieces. I’m still enjoying that side of my career. I don’t think I’ll ever leave real estate but I’m enjoying my celebrancy gig as well.

I think in 15 or 20 years, I’ll still be doing funeral services but as a wedding celebrant I might be getting outdated by then. Weddings are a really modern thing and it changes so I think there’ll be new celebrants coming through with a different way of doing things. I’d be really excited for them. But I’ll do weddings as long as I can, as long as I’m vibrant and fun and funky.

I’m not married, I don’t know how I’d choose a celebrant if I were to get married. I can’t legally marry myself. I know a few other celebrants. Maybe if I were to get married, that would have to be my partner’s decision, take it out of my hands so I’m not biased.

I feel like this is my calling. I’ve had family say to me, when I’m talking to them about their loved one and how to celebrate their life, they say ‘Jay you’ve really found your calling.’ It must be true. No one taught me how to think or feel or respond, and sometimes you don’t know what you’re going to get. They might be so upset they can’t speak, or they might talk about the good times and laugh, you just have to respond on the spot. I seem to be able to, with both situations – marriages or funerals.

Somebody has come to me and said ‘Jay do you think you’ll ever get post-traumatic stress?’ I wouldn’t say it's easy but I feel like I know when I need to slow down or when I need to take a couple of days away. I’m really conscious of that. I think some funerals have more impact on me personally than others, especially if it’s suicide, tragedy or youth. That takes more of a toll. If I knew I was doing a service like that, I’d take some time out with friends before and after or talk to my mum or family about my feelings. I think it’s a really healthy thing to do. If I wasn’t doing that, it could get chaotic.

I’m always working. I wouldn’t say I’m a workaholic. I have a good balance. I love spending time with family and close friends and sometimes just going out for dinner or lunch or doing nothing is helpful. I’ve got three step-siblings and we’re all really close. My mum works in health. Dad was a chef then went into retail. Being a celebrant is not in the family at all, or being in the wedding or funeral industry.

One side of the family are catholic. I’m catholic and I know my faith helps me deal with death in a way that works for me. I think we all go to another place, that helps me with my job. I don’t put that on my families, that just helps me.

I’m living the dream. I really am having the time of my life. I’ve never been as happy as I am now, doing what I’m doing in life. Best job in the world because I get invited into people’s lives on one of their biggest occasions, whether that is marriage, or a new born baby, or purchasing their house, or celebrating a loved one’s life – they’re pretty major events. I get to go in and help them do that. It’s pretty special. I never take my job for granted. Ever.