Roxy Tickle used to have the body of a man, but the mind of a woman.

Now, after three years of hormone therapy and gender reaffirmation surgery, she’s become more comfortable with herself, and lives life as if there’s a future worth living.

Her journey to become who she is now was not an easy one, and now she’s on a mission to help others understand what life is like for people who have always felt as though they never fitted into the stereotypical models of gender roles in our society.

Fired up

Transgender person: one whose gender identity is the opposite of their assigned sex.

Cisgender person: denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds with their birth sex.

“Since I stated my transition of male to female, I realised most words for sex and gender are clumsy – gender is a spectrum,” Roxy said.

“I’ve decided to help the community understand what it means to be transgender. I’ve experienced problems and people have reacted against me because people think they understand me and what it means to be transgender

“If you are sis gender, your body and mind matches the same end of the gender spectrum – for me they were at extreme opposites. It was the way I was born versus how my mind saw things.

“I never felt comfy in male toilets, but when I started transitioning, I finally felt comfy about going into female toilets. If other people are around me, I still feel afraid they will yell at me or assault me because they believe wrongly I shouldn’t be there. That’s happened to some of my friends. 

“I have a legal and moral right to use female toilets. No law in Australia that says who should or shouldn’t go in – there is an anti-discrimination law that says you can’t discriminate based on sex or gender.

Read news about Roxy: Transgender hockey player Roxy Tickle shapes national inclusion guidelines

Assigned at birth

“People shouldn’t use the argument I as assigned male at birth to stop me. 

“A doctor said I was male at birth, but it was only in the last few years I was able to understand that and started to do something about it.

“Three years ago, I started on a course of hormones of estrogen and progesterone and now my hormones in female range. I now have less testosterone than most sis gender women.

“It culminated in October last year with gender affirmation surgery, when a clever surgeon took away the genitals I was assigned at birth and refashioned them as female genitalia.

“For the first time in my life, looking down there looks normal - I always thought it was deformed before.

“I don’t loathe myself, my body and my mind anymore. 

“It used to be hard for me to engage with community. I had severe depression my whole adult life and I didn’t know because I always had it – by my late 40s when it was gone, I realised it was there.

“Now I have a whole new lease on life and I feel like there’s a future and happiness there.

“I’m about as comfy as most people in my body now and that shows me how far I’ve come – I hope I will be happy and I’m working as hard as I can to get point. 

Gender affirmation surgery 

“It is not an easy journey to gender affirmation surgery.

“I needed to get a referral from a GP to a clinical psychologist, who assessed that I wasn’t suffering from delusion, or experiencing other conditions that masquerade as gender dysphoria. 

“After 10 sessions, I was referred to a surgeon. Then I had hair removal - 200 hours of electrolysis over two years.

“Then I needed a secondary letter from psychiatrists to make sure I’m not suffering medical conditions masked as gender dysphoria. It was a long, expensive journey.

“It generally costs about $100K to transition to male to female today. It’s more expensive for female to male. It’s done in private hospitals with private surgeons and I pay $80 a week for top level private health insurance – It costs a fortune, but now I have a reason to live.

Friends and family

“More than just money and time, I’ve lost friends along the way, and a lot of my family.

“I’ve gained many more friends than I’ve lost. Some people can’ see past who they thought I used to be, but I was only pretending to be that person.

“When I told friends I was transitioning, some people already kinds of knew - it surprised me.

“For some people, the gender or sex box is important. Some people who have a fixed idea of gender believe girls should play with dolls, and boys should play with machinery.

“I remember I was six, my parents upset didn’t want me to play with my sister’s dolls, and dad gave me a play gun and wanted me to fire it – it was strange – I didn’t want to. 

“Now I can buy the dolls I was never allowed to.

“Being denied who you are for decades by your parents is traumatic.

“I keep in my life the people who love and care for me.

“Life is too short to spend time with people who don’t listen to the words that come out your mouth.

“Since transitioning, female friends have affirmed me as being female and now I can be myself.

“The division between male and female is clumsy – that they should be one thing or another within the division society has set up.

"I do my best to fit into female side of spectrum and my friends feel comfy with that.

Fashion

“In my prior before, I was expected wear a suit, but I’d always get brightest ties and socks – that was my only chance for expression.

“I always wore plain clothes, but now I’m female, I wear whatever I want. I have colourful flowers on loose pants, and shorts with patterns, and I have a lots of dresses friends have gifted to me.

“During the virus lockdown, I wear dresses at home to make work Zoom calls.

“I’m leaning about makeup and colour coordination. I have a struggle with facial hair still and am looking forward to learning more about make up.

Romantic relationships

“I always struggled with romantic relationships.

“I was married to a lovely woman – and that ultimately failed. Probably because I was trans and couldn’t get my head around it. It was distressing I caused pain to her 16 years ago, when it ended.

“I’ve mostly been single because it was difficult to put my mind and body in a place when someone could interact with it.

“I’ve had lovers but it’s never worked because my brain wasn’t in the right position to become a part of it.

“I was also secretly dating men – none of my friends knew this – I didn’t mind the concept of being a gay man, but there was a wall there I couldn’t break through.

“I had a string of short term male lovers and I was uncomfortable with them too.

“I spent 16 years trying to become involved with men and women and none of it worked.

“Then three and a half years ago, I made a stand with my brain. I said to myself I didn’t care who I am, but we need to get to the bottom of this if we are going to keep on existing in this world.

“Then over a few months I finally understood I was trans – I was actually born with a woman’s brain and I needed to do something about it.

“I felt comfy with myself finally, and I never even knew trans people. It set something free and I could finally be myself stop pretending – then a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

“For the first time in my life, I felt I had a future that I could never see it before. Now, I could plan. I previously had no savings or long term goals, but now, I have a reason to live for myself.

Discrimination and sport

“So many people discriminate against me or hate me.

“Discrimination happens when people don’t stop to actually think about it

“Until last year, I hadn’t played sport for over 20 years – I felt so uncomfortable playing in men’s teams even though I liked sport.

“Last year, I played softball for a Lismore Masters Games women’s team.

“Playing sport as the gender you are means you feel you belong, that you are a part of society.

“My team mates enthusiastically welcomed me. It was a tricky journey to get there at first because no one was sure if I could be there.

“The sports authorities and organisers all agreed it was ok for me to play, and it was a beautiful moment when I found out - I cried a lot when I was welcomed into a team after decades.

“It was like I’d played with my teammates forever – I loved it and I hope I’ll be able to play gain – I’m just taking it easy and healing after surgery at the moment.

“It's important that trans women feel ok about playing sport in female teams.

“In the softball team, I wasn’t the best player, I don’t have great hand eye coordination and I’m not the fittest, but it was a great experience.

“Playing sport was the most positive experience of my last 40 years and I need to address any fears people might have about it.

"We are getting used to words like misogyny and feminism the more we talk about it and now we need to talk about trans phobia – it’s fear of trans people or discrimination against them.

Legality

"I am now legally a woman.

“I am already allowed to have a female gendered passport thanks to the letter from my GP confirming that they are treating me.

“I only have one step left - to update my birth certificate to say that I’m female.

“I needed two medical specialists saying they have seen my genitals and they both needed to sign a form in the presence of a JP.

“These are the most extreme levels of identity proof I’ve ever come across – to have to show your genitals to an MD is embarrassing to prove who you are. The documentation has all now been completed and I will mail it this weekend.

Challenging discrimination

“People have preconceptions and I will do as much as I can in the time I have left on this earth to help people understand what it means to be trans.

“I will talk to people about things I’d rather not – for example my genital, hormones and innermost thoughts. I am sacrificing anonymity to help the generations of trans people coming after me.

“It frightens me that trans kids are going through now what I went through in my childhood.

“I want to help educate people, so I’ve been writing and have a blog theroxyepoch.com that I’ve been writing for a few years. (Visit https://www.theroxyepoch.com/)

“I finally joined Tropical Fruits last year and have been invited to help out with a trans and gender diverse community forum recently set up.

"I’ve never done anything like this before - I’ve always been an intensely private person and it frightens me putting myself out there, but I’ll sacrifice that to achieve my aims.

“I don’t pretend to speak on behalf of all trans people – we are all different."